My Dream Car for Road Rage Fantasies

There are some days when I wish I could drive a car that has “a pair of machine guns that come up through the bonnet vents, five heat- seeking missiles and a brace of shot guns that operate from the front radiator grille…also four-wheel drive and an eight cylinder engine” or what I call my “James Bond car”: the 2003 Aston Martin V12 Vanquish.

*sigh* Isn’t it beautiful? *sigh*

Granted it might be overkill, but I have been known to say I’d like to shoot the tires of some of the drivers that intercept my path, so just the machine guns or shot guns would probably suffice. My children have even been known to ask me if I wish I had my James Bond car after a particularly frustrating trip to the grocery store or horseback riding lessons. Usually, it’s after hearing me utter statements like this:

JERK!!”

“Well you’re not very nice!!”

Nice signal!!”

MORON!!”

OOOOOOOH! I-wish-I-had-my-James-Bond-car!!”

RUN that red light!!”

IDIOT!!”

That’s the way to yield!!”

OOOOOOOH! I-wish-I-had-my-James-Bond-car!!”

“Get in your lane!!”

“I know you’re there! I’m in a MERGE lane! I’m MERGING! Don’t you people know what that is?!”

“Well you’re not very nice!!”

“Oh, you ASS!!” (I generally use that when driving alone and only on rare occasions. It’s a biblical term, isn’t it?)

“It’s called a STOP sign!!”

Get off my BUTT!!”

STAY BETWEEN THE LINES!!”

“Green means GO!!”

Seriously?!”

YOU have the right of way!! GO!!”

OOOOOOOH! I-wish-I-had-my-James-Bond-car!!”

Phew!! That, my friends, is called “venting”. Now, mind you, I’m not red-faced and screaming in my car. I’m civil and calm. Usually. Sometimes, I even have a quasi-pleasant expression on my face. But, I still have fantasies of being in my James Bond car. If I control my trigger finger and resist shooting their tires out, I could always take off and fly over all the traffic, couldn’t I? Wait…that might be “Back to the Future” I’m thinking of. Hmmmmm…Aston Martin, DeLorean, Aston Martin, DeLorean. Naaahhh, I still want my James Bond car! A girl can dream, can’t she?

**Disclaimer: in light of the recent Secret Service interview with Ted Nugent, I would like to clarify that this post is complete fantasy in terms of my desire to own a fully-armed Aston Martin and use it to shoot out people’s tires. I am a sane, law-abiding  American citizen who would never shoot anyone’s tires out, even if I could ever afford a well-equipped Aston Martin. This post was written to vent and, hopefully, put a smile on at least one person’s face. Cheerio!

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About rebelwife

New England wife of a Southern man relocated back to Alabama.
This entry was posted in America, Cars & Trucks, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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