This is me…sort of.

I’ve never been a woman who has the perfectly-coiffed hair, manicured nails, stylish wardrobe, or flawless make-up. I certainly have nothing against those women (or men) who do. When it comes to hair, let’s just say that in the 80’s, hair stylists loved me! I have somewhat crazy, thick, curly hair–which is an advantage for hiding any mistakes made when I decide to chop at it, myself…or in the case of a bad hairstylist. It’s wilder and curlier when it’s more layered and/or humid, and more on the calmer, wavy side when it’s longer or when the weather is dry or windy–oh, yes–or when I brush it. That is unless I grab my boar-bristle brush, turn my head upside-down, brush it, and then don’t give it a pat-down when I flip it right-side up. When that happens, it’s wavy but really wild, resulting in my Southern Man calling me this lady’s name:

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As far as my nails go, I only paint my toenails when it’s flip-flop weather and I rarely bother with my fingernails. They are healthy and strong and grow out quite nicely on their own. I might file them a bit to round the edges, but I don’t like taking too much time to do so, so eventually I just chop them off and start fresh. Plus, when you cook and mix things like raw ground meat with your hands, well, ewww! I have also found that when I do polish my fingernails, they eventually start to fall apart, so why bother? Spa manicures are generally a waste of money, in my checkbook. I had one for my wedding and maybe one or two others in my lifetime. If ever again I go to a spa, I would rather try a facial or get a massage. Considering how decrepit I feel these days, the massage would be the winner…hands down.

Clothing? Usually jeans and a casual top. Would I like a nicer wardrobe for everyday wear? Yes, and I’m slowly getting a piece, here and there. However, for those of you with children and a somewhat limited budget, the kids come first. If they’d just stop growing so darn much! Why couldn’t they have been like me and stopped growing at aged 12? It’s that Southern Man’s genes. I’m built more like a Shetland Pony, whereas they have lanky limbs akin to a Thoroughbred.

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Then there’s make-up. I wore make-up more often when I was younger and, with my coloring, would wear the more dramatic colors of whatever was vogue at the time, especially the darker lipsticks like the plums, wines, and darker berries. Now, although I do still wear make-up, I don’t wear it as often and tend to go for more of a natural look. If you’re a guy, you’re probably wondering, “Well, why bother, then?”. I have no logical answer for you. Even when we wear the bare minimum of make-up and go for that natural look, well…we still know we have it on. It makes a difference! You say you can’t see a difference? Take my advice and don’t say that to a woman. If she asks how her make-up looks, just tell her she looks gorgeous and you’d never have known that she was wearing make-up. Now on the other hand, if she looks like this:

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Well…you’re on your own, buddy. Good-luck!

If I could be more fashionably “put-together”, I’d go with the looks from the decade I’ve always liked the most in terms of style: the forties.

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Weren’t the women just drop-dead gorgeous? No plastic surgery or photo-shopping, just a base of natural beauty. Okay, well maybe they had very talented photographers who knew how to pose them and use the lighting to their best advantage, fake eye-lashes, expertly-done make-up & hair, and who doesn’t look better in black-and-white photos?

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Regardless, they were truly beautiful and I think that many of these actresses, even without make-up, were still quite glamorous.

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As far as me…well I’m nowhere near a great beauty like Loren Bacall or Ava Gardner, but I’m fairly content in my 40-something year-old skin and hair and my Southern Man loves me just the way I am. However, I don’t think I’m the most photogenic person on earth and it seems that I have only one exact angle at which I like my photo taken. So on the rare occasion when I decide to update my Facebook photo, I will take 60 or so photos, delete most of them, and edit the one or two left. Oftentimes, I edit the photos using the tools that came with our dinosaur-era computer that have names like Holga-ish, Orton-ish, and Lomo-ish. That’s what I did with these two photos I took today. I did my hair like I normally do (blow-dry it with a diffuser while turning my head upside down–I seem to do that a lot. My secret beauty trick, I guess!) and am not wearing any make-up.

ImageMy skin is nowhere near this flawless and porcelain, just so you know. I do have freckles, wrinkles, a nose, and other assorted minor “imperfections”. I also tried the pencil sketch effect:

ImageI thought that looked pretty cool–it captures my crazy hair, don’t you think? I actually just cut my hair a couple days ago, giving myself bangs, again. Once it grows out a bit, I’ll suck it up and go to a professional so they can “fix” it. Curly hair is great for camouflaging flawed haircuts–usually. Well, anyway, enough about me. One last thing, I posted this photo on Facebook with the caption of “If I were a pencil sketch, Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum”. Sound familiar? Here you go:

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About rebelwife

New England wife of a Southern man relocated back to Alabama.
This entry was posted in Humor, Life, photography and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to This is me…sort of.

  1. garden2day says:

    Cool photos…and great write-up ๐Ÿ™‚ . The horse in jeans…lol. I tried to control myself and not dance to the sketch from Fiddler on the Roof. ๐Ÿ˜€ I love that scene…you pegged it right. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Like

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