Amazon Fun

In the last couple of weeks, I have been introduced to a new form of entertainment that not only is free (excepting the cost of having WiFi/internet), but provides all the health benefits of boisterous laughter. I am just recovered from one such bout–even producing tears. It may be too crass, juvenile, philistine, immature–or whatever term you like to use–for some people, but not our family! Ready? It is amazon.com product reviews. Funny reviews about real or gag products like banana slicers, hair removal cream for men, dragon meat, unicorn meat, and so much more. The products are funny, sometimes, but the reviews are what are so hilarious! For instance, from Radiant Farms:

Canned Dragon Meat only $15.95

Canned Dragon Meat
only $15.95

Check out some of the reviews:

  • Don’t fall for the baloney. There are no “sisters” caring for the dragons. Radiant Farms gets their stock from the infamous Bosnian dragon mills, where the dragonlings are bred like rats, shackled at birth, and force fed a diet of genetically engineered oats and growth hormones. As for the eating, I was actually enjoying it until I picked out a piece of scale – GROSS! I live on a strict paleo diet, and this garbage just gave me heartburn. I wish I had done my research before I submitted my order!
  • I was a little disappointed that there was no warning label on the can alerting consumers that after eating this that they would sh#t fire for three days. On my last trip to the bathroom the shower curtains melted and the wallpaper caught on fire, quickly spreading into the attic. I managed to throw a wet towel around my seared bottom and crawl to a neighbor’s house where I called 911. Although the fire department responded quickly, they had to call in additional fire departments from surrounding counties to assist with the rapidly spreading blaze. After several hours they finally enlisted the aid of the local airport and brought in a sprayer using Class A Fire Retardant Foam to put out the fire. Sadly, by the time the flames were finally extinguished the town was reduced to ash leaving only the carousel at the mall intact.Despite the fire, third degree burns and a statement issued by the Environmental Protection Agency that the radioactive levels in the ash would make rebuilding the town anytime in the next 500 years problematic I give this product a solid 3 stars due to the delectable taste of the dragon! I expected the dragon to be tough and chewy, but instead it sizzled delightfully on the tongue and melted into sheer bliss! I would order this product again if we still had a post office
  • I was mostly disappointed. On the can they show a fresh sprig of what looks like tarragon. I definitely prefer my dragon served with fresh herbs, but there were none in the can; and drats! … it’s so hard to find fresh herbs in my town. So I’m mostly disappointed. Still… the dragon meat was tasty enough… and not quite as jaw-breakingly chewy like those OTHER brands. I’m mostly satisfied despite being horribly disappointed… what they heck…. I’ll give it 5 stars.
  • After watching the Game of Thrones, I really wanted to know what Dragons taste like. Knowing that they breath fire, I assumed the meat would taste smokey. But to my surprise, it tastes quite tender and bland, almost fish like. For the money, I would recommend the Unicorn meat or if money is no object, try to hunt down one of the Na’vis on Pandora.As to how to prepare for this dish, I lightly sprinkled some salt and pepper and pan fried it until it changes from red color into brown. To really enhance the dinning experience, a dash of Sriracha sauce does the trick.

Now, this is one of the less hilarious ones, but it is still entertaining. I had actually started writing the one about  uranium ore, but then I considered the potential consequences of having uninvited government guests showing up at my doorstep and thought better of it. I will occasionally share some of these products and reviews with you so that you, too, if you are sitting at home on a Friday or Saturday night with nothing to do, can have a little chuckle.

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About rebelwife

New England wife of a Southern man relocated back to Alabama.
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