Throughout the day, I have been experiencing growing tenderness and pain deep in…my left…buttock. (Just so you know, I am sitting on a hard wooden stool to type this. I hope you appreciate my sacrifice.) What did I do to make this one particular area of my person sore? Well, I didn’t actually have much suspicion until this evening and confirmed it when I went to close the shades and drapes in our son’s sunny bedroom.

Our son has a full-size platform bed that he bought from some friends of ours.  A twin bed just wasn’t cutting it, anymore, since he didn’t inherit my Shetland Pony stature–or maybe it is Fell Pony–they’re a little more svelte-looking. Fell PonyAnyway, his bed has a wooden frame that the mattress sits on. The edges of the frame, on the sides, are approximately 2″ wide and are reminiscent of a balance beam. Meanwhile, the windows are directly behind the head of the bed and I cannot reach them from the floor due to my lack of tallness. So, being lazy the adventurous type, instead of getting a chair or stool to stand on, I hop up on this narrow balance beam and am thus able to reach the blind cords and drapes. It was working great until last night. I hopped up, but wasn’t centered, apparently.

Let me inform you that I have had no Olympic gymnastics coaching…or any gymnastics since high school gym class,which I sucked at, by the way. Lower center of gravity does not necessarily translate to better balance, just less potential injury due to a shorter distance to the ground or floor. As a matter of fact, the only thing I was really good at was curling my body into a ball so tiny, that my classmates requested that I be the one they used as the obstacle over which to do diving somersaults, since my compact body was a low obstacle to clear.

So, last night, as I started to careen off the balance beam bed frame, my body contorted into a much-less-than-graceful series of movements that, although probably humorous or horrific to watch, successfully prevented me from falling on top of my son’s clothes hamper toy chest, which has all of his pointy sports trophies and awards displayed on top. That could have been a prickly situation–shish-ka-momma.

Unfortunately, in my gallant desperate attempt to save myself from a potentially nasty fall, I apparently pulled a deep muscle in my left buttock. It now hurts to sit, bend over, walk with long strides (it’s all relative), and close the drapes and shades in our son’s room. I am hoping this injury will not be too debilitating. After all, icing it is out of the question. Deep tissue massage is probably too painful, at the moment. I think I will have to self-medicate and try to rest it. Maybe watch some Forrest Gump.


About rebelwife

New England wife of a Southern man relocated back to Alabama.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Butt….

  1. garden2day says:

    Hope you start to feel better soon! Take care!


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