Honestly, if I was writing a book (which I know it may seem like, sometimes), then a title would be necessary and expected. For a blog post, though? I get tired of thinking up titles and sometimes put “Random Thoughts” rather than just leave it blank. I think from now on, I’m going to either leave it blank or maybe put something totally random. After all, when I blog, I write as if I am speaking to you. Imagine if we titled all our conversations, even one-sided ones (which all parents are familiar with and are professionals of), before we began speaking. How silly. Okay, got that off my chest…on to the one-sided conversation….
I actually wrote that paragraph two months ago. It’s a good thing blogging is not a job for me, huh? I’d’ve been fired eons ago! Anyways, life has gone by quickly, as usual. Another year of college is done, can you believe it? I can’t and neither can others, including our kids, especially our daughter. Our son is done with his 4th year and will have one semester left; our daughter finished her freshman year. Tomorrow, the only rainy day of the week (Murphy’s Law, thank you!) is when we go to move her out of her dorm and back home. She hasn’t actually lived in this house other than school breaks, because we moved here right after we moved her into her dorm. Because this is a smaller house with less storage space, one of the bedrooms is basically a storage room and the second bedroom (hers) isn’t much better. There’s quite a bit of “stuff” that either belongs to the kids or will be given to them–books and movies, especially, in that latter category. I’ve still got some shuffling around to do to make room for her “stuff”.
As it always does, time will continue to fly and before we know it, we will be moving her into her first-ever apartment and some of the furniture will go with her, giving us a little more space. And I will shed tears anew. What else is new? It’s another milestone, this one perhaps a bit more bittersweet than moving her into her dorm, because it means she will be living on her own and only coming home for visits during the school year. 😦 No more summers; this will be the last one having one of our children living at home. Sigh….
Fortunately, I will have things to keep me busy, this summer, including gardening (assuming we ever get the plants into the ground which needs to be tilled, again, and weeded), a trip to New England (YAY!!!), maybe a short day trip here and there, and hopefully kicking back and spending some good times with friends. Our daughter will be working, so she and I will have to work our adventures around her schedule. It should be a fun, busy summer and I’ll try not to think of its ending in early August, when she goes back. After all, this is all part of life, isn’t it? Still, I miss my little ones and I miss the grownups they’ve become when they leave to live their own lives.
Meanwhile, I’ve got my own life to figure out. Who am I, again? I’ve been in what a friend calls a “transition stage”. Honestly, I feel like my whole life has been a transition, so many moves, so many changes, and this is one of the more challenging ones, in some regards. Couple it with the homesickness that just never seems to go away (that’s a whole other post) and it’s intense, at times–I get teary, frustrated, maybe even a little bitter or angry. It’s not that I don’t like the South, necessarily, I just like New England and all it offers–family and friends, included–so much better. Granted, the long winters are hard, but I even miss those–to a certain extent. A small extent. At Christmas-time. But…bloom where you’re planted, right? Even if it’s never permanent. Needless to say, I am looking forward to this summer’s trip up there for our biennial family reunion. I also hope, as I’ve been hoping for the past 7 years that we’ve lived here, that I can get up there at least one other time throughout the course of the year, hopefully in autumn, my favorite season.
Sometimes, I wonder if going home alleviates the feeling of homesickness or compounds it. My daughter has expressed similar thoughts, on occasion. Last night, she shared this quote: “It is possible to be homesick for a place even when you are there.” Don DeLilo, White Noise. How true. I looked up other quotes about homesickness and some of them are quite profound. Here are a few that spoke to me:
“Perhaps the ache of homesickness was a fair price to pay for having so many good people in her life.”
― Becky Chambers,
“Homesickness is not always a vague, nostalgic, almost beautiful emotion, although that is somehow the way we always seem to picture it in our mind. It can be a terribly keen blade, not just a sickness in metaphor but in fact as well. It can change the way one looks at the world; the faces one sees in street look not just indeferent but ugly…perhaps even malignant. Homesickness is real sickness–the ache of the uprooted plant” the breathing method”
― Stephen King,
“When you get homesick, it’s not something missing, it’s something present, a visit. People and places from far away arrive and keep you company for a while.”
― Erri De Luca,
“…the longer she had lived away, the more she realized that nowhere became home… though everywhere had.”
― Susan Ornbratt,
“Homesickness is absolutely nothing. Fifty percent of the people in the world are homesick all the time. You don’t really long for another country. You long for something in yourself that you don’t have, or haven’t been able to find.”
― John Cheever,
That last one is kind of a “you’re not alone” sentiment with perhaps a dash of “pick yourself up and get over it”. That last sentence, though…it is quite deep and almost demands self-examination and reflection.
And with that, I will bid you–wherever you are–adieu until the next time.