Mosquito Magnets and Constellations

You may be wondering what Mosquito Magnets and constellations could possibly have to do with each other. Well, let me explain how I made the connection from one to the other. First, do you know what a Mosquito Magnet is? Since I am not at my own computer and cannot post pictures, here is a link to the Mosquito Magnet Website, in case you don’t know what one is.

Okay, here’s my logic:

Mosquito Magnets attract mosquitoes. (From personal experience, I can also tell you that they attract deer flies, a.k.a. nature’s biting fighter jets and black flies. If you have ever been in the North woods during spring, you know what black flies are. Like sub-zero temperatures, black flies are just one more reason why many New Englanders throw vanity and style out the window and wear very unfashionable, sometimes silly things, in this case, head nets to keep the black flies from eating them for supper.)

Anyways, Mosquito Magnets attract bugs. Well, so do I. I can be in a place full of people and the one mosquito will find me. Isn’t that special. If they don’t find me, I’m the one that usually finds the spiders, which, as you know, I have adverse psychological reactions to. I am the one that the lone fire ant in the middle of a hot paved parking lot will find and bite. I am the one that a mystery bug in a closet in our church will find and bite, and so on.

Now simply getting bitten wouldn’t bother me as much except that when something bites me, that is not the end of it. I have a reaction. Mosquito bites swell up and will itch, on and off, for ten days. Fire ant bites will burn, swell, develop blisters full of (gross-out alert) pus and itch of and on for ten days or more. One of the favorite times for my bites to start itching is at about 4 or 5 in the morning. Hence, I keep a bottle of what I call my “itchy medicine” nearby so as not to awaken my Southern Man with my early morning treatment of my myriad of bites.

And, speaking of myriad of bites, we now come to the “Constellations” part of my title. This past Saturday evening, my Southern Man, daughter and I were at our garden waging war on the tomato hornworms and squash bugs. Not long after we got there, my stomach started itching like crazy. I couldn’t see anything until Sunday night when I saw the six bites on my stomach! There are two on the left, and four on the right! The ones on the right are one bite short of looking like the constellation Cassiopeia! Add to it the two on the left, the one on the front of my left shoulder, the two on the back of my left arm, the one on my right leg, the ant bite on the 2nd toe of my left foot and the ant bite on the pinky toe of my right foot, and I’m practically a walking Milky Way!

And that, friends, is how, in my world of logic, Mosquito Magnets and constellations relate.

The End.